remember . . . remember

I am in a pensive mood today. my sister is having a hard time and that made me cry, my little girl is more excited to go to someone new than to her own mama and that made me cry, my best friend is gone and I feel so alone and that is still making me cry.

im not sure why but I like to picture my life as a movie with the soundtrack and everything - shoot, ive even got the footage and song to my funeral . . . weird i know. but during this emotional day of my life i have picked the song and an idea of how it should all be looking right now to the viewers of my film. Remember youve got mail with meg ryan and tom hanks? I pictured this moment of my life to be like the part of that movie when her book shop is going out of business and its Christmas time. There she is putting old handmade Christmas ornaments up on her tree, she turns the sign on her door to closed, and she speaks a letter to her friend whose name she doesnt know. she tells him how she is hurting remembering her mother at Christmastime and a melancholy song is playing in the background saying "remember . . . remember"

no real reason for this - im just lost like i think she was feeling at that time. all she knew of her mother and all she really knew to do was in that little Shop Around The Corner and now it was all getting taken away from her.

Mom and Dad I dont want you to get sad because im sad - like elders on their missions who receive letters from friends and home saying nothing happy and uplifting, just being so sad they are gone. ill do better at being uplifting - itll just take a little longer than id want.

Vylettes cute!